“God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way. Matthew 5:11–12 (NLT)
Growing up we learned “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me.” It is an expression that has been around for a long time, but in recent years it has come under scrutiny and closer examination. Is it really true?
Contemporary versions include “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt me even more.” Or “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words have the power to destroy me.” So, which is it? Are words harmless or deadly? Proverbs tells us: What you say can mean life or death. Those who speak with care will be rewarded. Proverbs 18:21 (NCV)
There are several things for us to contemplate: how do we use our words, and how do we respond to hurtful words from other people. In what circumstances, if any, is the statement “but words shall never hurt me,” true? Are we more sensitive today, or are we just willing to finally admit something that has always been true?
Jesus tells us that God blesses people who are mocked, persecuted, lied about, and spoken about in an evil manner. As Christ-followers, we should always be mindful of the power that our words have to build people up or to destroy them. But we should also learn to develop thick skin, and not be derailed when hurtful words are aimed at us.
Building up
No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 (CSB)
James tells us how deadly our tongue can be. Not only deadly, but contradictory. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. James 3:9 (NLT) James goes on to say that it is not right for blessing and cursing to come out of the same mouth.
We underestimate the effect that our words can have on other people. It is not good enough to say that we were just joking, or that we really didn’t mean it. Jesus told us that the mouth only speaks what is really in the heart and then he went on to say:
Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.” Matthew 12:36–37 (MSG)
When used properly, our words can be an encouragement, even a blessing, to build people up. But they can also tear people down. Guard your words and you’ll guard your life, but if you don’t control your tongue, it will ruin everything. Proverbs 13:3 (TPT)
Strength in Weakness
If you are insulted because you bear the name of Christ, you will be blessed, for the glorious Spirit of God rests upon you. 1 Peter 4:14 (NLT)
It is hard to imagine that anyone could go through life without being insulted, ridiculed, or mocked. Whether we have been conditioned to be offended, or simply because offense is built into our DNA, we must learn to get over it.
It is not a sign of weakness, or masochism to learn to let harsh words roll off of us. A part of the problem stems from our unwillingness to “die to self.” If you are dead, you can’t be insulted. Those who have died to self are not inclined to repay an insult with another insult.
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. 1 Peter 3:8–9 (NLT)
When we recognize that we are weak, it should cause us to rely upon God’s power working in us. Paul learned to even boast about his weakness: That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10 (NLT)
Peter recalls Jesus’ response when reviled: They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. 1 Peter 2:23 (MSG). We too must trust God to set things right.
Speaking Truth in Love
Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)
A final thought. We understand that we can use our words to build people up or tear them down. But that does not mean that we are to avoid confrontation, and correction. It is not beneficial to avoid speaking the truth because it is uncomfortable. The goal of speaking the truth in love is that we will grow to be more like Christ.
As a parent or as a pastor, administering discipline is not pleasant. Even Paul preferred to write to the Corinthians in advance of his visit so that he would not have to deal with them harshly when he arrived (2 Corinthians 13:10).
Words are powerful, and we will be held accountable for their misuse. We must also learn to not allow ourselves to be held captive by the words of others. It is true that words can hurt, but we have God’s promise that we are blessed when people insult us. “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but…”
Steve Ekeroth