I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. 1 Corinthians 1:10 (NLT)
Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Acts 15:39 (NLT)
The apostle Paul made a wonderful appeal to the Corinthian church. Their objective is to live in harmony with each other, and that there be no divisions in the church. As Christ-followers our goal should always be for unity among believers, but because we are human, we sometimes, maybe often, fall short of the ideal.
Even Paul had his challenges, but we should not take that as license for abandoning the pursuit of unity in the church. Paul’s disagreement with Barnabas was so intense that they went their separate ways. Barnabas’s insistence on bringing Mark along after he abandoned them on their previous missionary trip was unacceptable to Paul.
Seemingly, the reason for Paul and Barnabas going their separate ways was evident. This clarity is not always present in disagreements between believers. Separations occur and people leave churches even though the root cause is rarely revealed.
If the loss of harmony in a church or ministry appears unavoidable, it is important that we learn how to separate with grace. We who have been called to be leaders will be held accountable for the example that we set.
Beneath the Surface
Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:15 (NLT)
Experience has taught us that in disputes between believers, we rarely get to the important aspect. Why is this? Is it because the core issue is too embarrassing to admit to anyone? The triggering event could have been an unintentional slight or oversight. Or not to be included in a group activity, or when someone else was asked to lead a ministry that they coveted. There is no limit to the ways that we can be offended.
Instead of admitting to the “real offense,” we use offenses against other people as justification for our offense. Is it noble to take offense for somebody else? Do we raise other “issues” as a smokescreen in an effort to obscure the truth?
Hebrews tells us to be on the lookout for the poisonous root of bitterness. Being offended leads to bitterness. Our lives are like a garden, and we must be careful what we allow to be planted and take root. John Bevere explained in “The Bait of Satan:”
But ground will produce only what is planted in it. If we plant seeds of debt, unforgiveness, and offense, another root will spring up in place of the love of God. It is called the root of bitterness. [1]
When we allow the root of bitterness to grow, nothing good will happen. It affects the whole person, body, soul, and spirit. Sickness and disease can be traced to bitterness, and sadly, our bitterness will result in collateral damage to other people.
Dealing with Division
But, of course, there must be divisions among you so that you who have God’s approval will be recognized! 1 Corinthians 11:19 (NLT)
Someone once said, “Hurt people, hurt people.” As pastors, and leaders, we want to see people healed, but when someone refuses to let go of their hurt, or offense, separation seems inevitable. When leaders are the ones who are offended, even more is at stake. Not many should become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we will receive a stricter judgment. James 3:1 (CSB)
Because pastors and leaders have influence, when they leave a church, it can affect many people. Unlike Barnabas and Paul, who, when they disagreed, chose new ministry partners, and went on their way, hurt people sometimes choose to leave a path of devastation in their wake.
In spite of the severe warning from Jesus: But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. Matthew 18:6 (NLT)
"Jesus Christ can afford to be misunderstood; we cannot. Our weakness lies in always wanting to vindicate ourselves" - Oswald Chambers
Above All
Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:14 (NLT)
When harmony in a ministry is disrupted, it can have widespread repercussions. After all, “when one part of the body suffers, we all suffer.” Those who are new in the faith will wonder what is happening around them. And remember, the world is always watching us.
Depending upon the issue, emotions and feelings run deep. Nobody likes to admit that the position they hold is weak. It is sometimes hard to remember Peter’s admonition, “Above all, love each other deeply,” when the impulse for self-validation, or vindication is strong.
Sometimes, couples who are having marital difficulties will stay together for “the sake of the children.” It is always important to remember how our actions impact others. Paul chastised the Corinthians because they were bringing their disputes into civil court.
We can be right, and still be in the wrong. We do not always need to “settle the score.” Relationships, and our witness before the world, should take precedence over any personal victory. Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend! Proverbs 17:9 (MSG)
Finally, if separation cannot be avoided, always be open to the possibility of reconciliation, and restoration. At the time of the second missionary journey, Paul did not feel that John Mark was up to the task, but later on the relationship was renewed, opening new possibilities of ministry together.
It may not be easy to “let it go,” and sometimes, separation is the only viable option. However, doing life and ministry together in harmony produces music that is pleasing to God’s ears. When harmony is lost, things do not sound the same.
Steve Ekeroth
[1] John Bevere, The Bait of Satan , 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 152.